Do you ever feel like you are just not worth it…that whatever you are fighting for is just not worth it?
A year later and I am back. A lot has happened. 4 months ago I gave birth to my greatest gift. Needless to say a lot has changed in my life. Having a baby was such a great experience for me even with my high anxiety. It was never in the plan for me to have a baby while being overweight. It didn’t help that I had gained back over 20 pounds before finding out I was pregnant to then gain 20 more pounds during pregnancy. So me being me, I knew of all of the potential complications I could have. Surprisingly enough I didn’t have any major issues and didn’t gain “too much” weight to raise concern with the doctors. The only area of concern was my Pseudotumor Cerebri which is triggered my weight gain and could have stopped me from having a vaginal delivery. I was happy that despite what doctors told me and were concerned about wasn’t even an issue. I was surprised by my strength. I guess the foundation of working out for the past two years really prepared my body more than I thought or even realized. Still, even after conquering delivery and being home with my son, the insecurities began to creep in.
I saw myself as unhealthy, out of shape, lazy, A COMPLETE HOT MESS EXPRESS! Now thinking about it I don’t know how the heck I thought I was lazy after I had a kid but your mind just loves to play tricks on you. Make you think you are somehow unworthy of great things. How you are unworthy to BE GREAT! It will be a long road or better yet a different route but I am determined to get back to me. I am determined to continue my weight loss journey…even though it is so much more than that. Like having a baby, shedding weight and a mindset is a life changing experience, one that never really can fully be planned. So with that said here is to another transformative year where each day I find myself a little more, I appreciate things a little more, I challenge myself a little more, I value you myself a little more, understanding that days may be challenging but in the end it is all worth it, I am worth it.